Sincerely, Sally B.
Ninety-two! Ninety-two million dollars! Ahhh-ah-ah-ah-ahhhh! As I’ve mentioned, fall is my favorite season. But I don’t understand Halloween. And I’m not the only one. My friends hate it, too. I’ve read the historical babble that those freaks constantly spout in an attempt to solidify it as some sort of authentic religious holiday. But I still think it’s the dumbest “holiday” on Earth. And trust me, I spoke to God, He knows I have ENOUGH to be afraid of. Plus, I don’t like being scared - scary movies, gory costumes, CNN human interest stories, Paula Abdul, whatever. And If you try to jump out and scare me, I’ll probably punch you. It’s just my natural instinct. I mean, SHIT, I lived in west Midtown Atlanta, folks. NOT A GAME. You trick-or-treat there and you end up with a 38 special to the throat. My idea of Halloween is a modest pumpkin, excessively HARD apple cider, an episode with The Count where we enumerate my hundred dollar bills gold bullion and the biggest Heath bar known to mankind. Oh yeah, and if a masked man dressed as Aaron Eckhart happens to show up at my door unannounced, who am I to turn away his free candy? Happy Halloween you sick little goblins. Sincerely, Sally B. (P.S. For my sisters: punkin’, punkin’, punkin’, orrrrrnnngguh)

Ninety-two! Ninety-two million dollars! Ahhh-ah-ah-ah-ahhhh!

As I’ve mentioned, fall is my favorite season. But I don’t understand Halloween. And I’m not the only one. My friends hate it, too. I’ve read the historical babble that those freaks constantly spout in an attempt to solidify it as some sort of authentic religious holiday. But I still think it’s the dumbest “holiday” on Earth. And trust me, I spoke to God, He knows I have ENOUGH to be afraid of. Plus, I don’t like being scared - scary movies, gory costumes, CNN human interest stories, Paula Abdul, whatever. And If you try to jump out and scare me, I’ll probably punch you. It’s just my natural instinct. I mean, SHIT, I lived in west Midtown Atlanta, folks. NOT A GAME. You trick-or-treat there and you end up with a 38 special to the throat. My idea of Halloween is a modest pumpkin, excessively HARD apple cider, an episode with The Count where we enumerate my hundred dollar bills gold bullion and the biggest Heath bar known to mankind. Oh yeah, and if a masked man dressed as Aaron Eckhart happens to show up at my door unannounced, who am I to turn away his free candy?

Happy Halloween you sick little goblins.

Sincerely,

Sally B.

(P.S. For my sisters: punkin’, punkin’, punkin’, orrrrrnnngguh)

Posted 2 years ago