Why is the rum always gone?

In other news, I am officially suffering from a quarter-life +1 crisis… and to renew my spirit… I bought a goldfish. A small, fat, ugly goldfish. Some people get tattoos or piercings, I buy fish. And not the kind you can eat. His name is Capt. Jack Sparrow. Because he’s completely in love with the sea (his tank) and he’s got an eye patch (scary-awkward black eye that may or may not be an injury or genetic defect). Basically, he’s nothing like Johnny Depp, but that’s beside the point. I introduced him to my roommate via Post-it note. Risky, yes, but finding a new pet when you come home from running a marathon in our nation’s capitol can be a fun surprise. Oh, and Capt. Jack’s tank lights up. Five different colors. This fish is a mutha effin killa.

Sincerely,

Sally B.