Legit, I’m suddenly old.
- I have entire conversations about the weather, past and future. With myself.
- I’m considering a daily regimen of aspirin.
- I look over my glasses at people… instead of just looking down my nose at them.
- I use a Nettie pot. [If you don’t know what this is just stop reading.]
- If I don’t have a cardigan with me it’s because someone stole it. And whoever it is WILL PAY [shakes fist at sky].
- I don’t remember someone’s name unless I give them a nickname (ex: Leah the Loon, Nick the Narc, Spaghetti Sam).
- I roll my eyes at least 54 times a day.
- I stop the DVR mid commercial jump to watch prescription drug ads, then self diagnose myself with whatever ailment the elderly gem on screen has tragically developed.
- I can’t make shit like “young people,” “kids,” “in my day,” and “well, when I was…” stop coming out of my mouth.
- Lately, I love naps. And if I don’t get one when I should, someone will end up with a missing limb.
- I tell the same stories over and over so people always finish my sentences. Basically, this pisses me off to no end.
- I can’t hear. I swear my roommate just said “let’s sell the mash to the suburbs.” That can’t be right. But if it is, we’ve got a problem.
