Dear readers, 

My name is Sally, and I am a sugar addict. I know what you’re thinking: Is that code for cocaine? 

Decidedly not. 

I’m talking about good ole fashioned sucrose - white shit in your drinks, cereal and snacks. It’s from, like, corn and molecules in a sugar cane or something. It tastes like sex and endorphins. 

*So this year, I’m getting off it. 

In 2012, I will not be consuming: 

• alcoholic beverages (we’re about to find out if fish can breathe without water)
• processed sugar 
• white starchy foods like rice, potatoes and bread (Ima be all over some pumpernickel, y’all, because my mom says you have to have fiber in your diet and she knows shit) 
• substances that contain “fake sugar” like Diet Coke and fucking Splenda because there’s something about “fake sugar” that seems like cheating
• any other shit I realize contains sugar

Weight loss is cool and everything… but don’t you want to see if I can even do this? I know I do. 

Because I’m not a complete asshole and don’t want to bore you poor people to tears, I’m not turning this into a food blog. I read a lot of good ones, and this one would be terrible. But you can expect me to gripe, bitch, complain and suffer through withdrawals here. That’s the beauty of this blog being mine.

Listen, I’m not Bob Harper. I didn’t read some diet book or watch a gripping episode of Dr. Oz - though I once read some article in a doctor’s office about a guy who quit sugar and it seemed crazy enough to be cool - I’m just making this shit up as I go. I’m not counting carbs or calories. I’m just saying no to sugar. And I rarely say no to anything, so this should get good. 

Sincerely, 

Sally B. 

*Of course I’m not talking about small amounts of natural sugar found in fruits and vegetables. Because, let’s get serious, how in the hell am I supposed to survive by not eating fruit and vegetables? I’m not a Panther.