She wins

I think it must be hard to be a bride because, from what I can gather, some weird shit happens to you.

“This has been the weirdest Thursday. I got a new case involving a doctor who made weird videos of his patients, got a double homicide where I’m about 99 percent certain that we can prove that he didn’t do it, received dental insurance that I didn’t know I had, got my tire slashed by a car wash at a Shell station, had a verbal altercation with said owner of Shell station in which I was told that he ‘didn’t give a shit’ about me or ‘your dumb car.’ Then I changed the flat tire with my dad, because I insisted that I didn’t want to pay to have someone do it when the instructions were clear and he insisted that I did not know anything and that he was coming to help me. This quickly devolved in us kicking a tire, both in suits, cussing and yelling, ‘you said you knew how to do it!’ outside of the Walgreens. Somehow we changed the tire, my dad got a high-five from the Walgreen’s manager Ronald, and when I got back to the office, I learned that I am temporarily barred in Arizona. And it’s only 4:00pm.”

All the while, you’re just trying to put on a white dress, marry some dude that tolerates you and get your single friends drunk and slutty. Well done, esquire.

Sincerely,

Sally B.