March 2010
18 posts
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WatchSwish it up, gays.
I will completely lose myself when Glee finally comes back on April 13. Don’t come looking for me.
Sincerely,
Sally B.
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Forget health care, somebody's featured my high... →
I’d recognize that circle of crunkness anywhere.
As my good, dear friend Cletis once said, it’s about street cred.
Sincerely,
Sally B.
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“Peace Up, A-town Down!”
– File under: Things I need to stop saying when I pass that new guy in the hall, lest he start to think it’s the only English I know. Or that sometimes I drink alone. Or that I am the crazy lady who saves all of her finger nail clippings. Even though one of those things could possibly be true.
...
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Next year. March 1st. It's on. →
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Erin, Go Get Your Bragh
Don’t get me wrong, I love the Irish. Really, I love them. They’ve given great meaning to whiskey, body soap and religious conflict. But my people are Welsh. Corgi-lovin, folk-playin, taffy shepherds who can take a drink. And that ain’t no four-leaf clover.
Yeah, fine, I’ll partake in tomorrow’s Irish-American St. Patty’s traditions because it just so happens...
Top 10 Reasons Betty White Should Adopt Me
10. I live with a Norwegian so I can spell Lutefisk. 9. I like to make fun of Sandra Bullock, too. 8. I can wear the HELL out of a purple, nylon wind suit. And I did. 7. In the 80’s I was blonde. 6. I play flag football like her until I have a Snickers. 5. My anecdotes usually make people cry. From confusion. 4. I also want to host SNL. 3. I plan to be more popular at 88 than I am now. 2. I...
The Lion Queen
Me: The fish died.
Mom: A fish can't keep you company.
Me: Of course it can. I needed some other living thing in this house when [roommate] is traveling all the time and I'm completely alone.
Mom: You need a kitty.
Me: There are so many reasons why I'm not going to talk about getting a cat.
Mom: You're right... you have them and you love them... and then they die.
Me: That's one of the reasons.
Mom: [singing] It's the cirrrrrcle of liiiiifffee!
Me: Time to go.
Mom: [singing] Hakuna matata...
Me: I don't think that's the next part.
Let me tell you why this week CAN SUCK IT
Many doctors who have only negative, unfriendly things to say about how you manage your life. And by that I mean diet/ exercise/ alcohol intake.
Throwing your back out while scrubbing your fish bowl.
Having to clean the fish bowl again the next morning after the fish kicks the bucket overnight.
Rain, humidity, rain.
Flailing, sweating, flailing to get BandAids on the places where one of the...
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We like to fight over a toddler that isn't ours
Me: I talked to the birthday boy today!
Mom: YOU DID?!?!
Me: I did. What? Didn't you?!
Mom: No, but I'm going to, and he's going to say my name and that he misses me the most.
Me: Fine, but I'll have you remember whose name he said first, and repeatedly, over Christmas.
Mom: Oh, shut up.
You should probably know...
I am sick and damn tired of you fools being uninformed.
If you want to see a woman go straight bananas, try to make me eat a Brussel sprout. You’ll walk over, but you’re limping back.
I am a pen hoarder. Like, go ahead and get A&E on the phone. [WARNING TO WOULD-BE LENDERS: If I like it, I’m taking it.]
I’m vicious and I fight dirty. I once chucked an air hockey...
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