January 2010
41 posts
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369. You don't get to choose your own nickname.
(via rulesformyunbornson)
Ain’t that a fact.
Sincerely,
Sally B.
"Welcome to the Shore" Word of the Day
Word: cosmeticize (verb)
Meaning: to make (something unpleasant or ugly) superficially attractive
Example sentence: The authors of the legislation have cosmeticized it with tax breaks and tax cuts.
Jersey Shore sentence: Eh, no frickin’ way is cosmeticize a real live word, you gorilla juice-head.
Cut me some slack. This is all I have now.
Sincerely,
Sally B.
5 tags
The Music Man
I have a friend. But I didn’t always call him friend. We were only preteens back home in suburban Atlanta in the days when we might have shared a Georgia history book, a homeroom teacher and the occasional bathroom hall pass. My only real memory of him is from 9th grade, and it involves a ratty beanie and a too-big-for-his-frame Starter jacket. He sat behind me in economics. Or was it...
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“So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some...”
– Cher, “Clueless”
Sincerely,
Sally B.
(via jshdivision) (via rickahh) (via blue-monday) (via mar-see-ah)
A bird's eye view of Port-au-Prince, Haiti →
(via ideasareawesome)
Sincerely,
Sally B.
“I also do my new favorite thing, the walk-away. When people are just trying to...”
– Fashion PR maven Kelly Cutrone on dealing with crashers and seat-changers
And the student becomes the teacher… my coworkers have NO idea what’s coming at ‘em.
Sincerely,
Sally B.
(via meredithbklyn)
This is the only thing keeping me from stabbing... →
Sincerely,
Sally B.
3 tags
“When I was a little boy, the Wizard of Oz scared the shit out of me.”
– Dad
I’ve got a ten-spot that says it was the munchkins.
Sincerely,
Sally B.
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“I say to you, this morning, that if you have never found something so dear and...”
– “But If Not” - Dr. Martin Luther King, in a speech to Ebenezer Baptist Church, Atlanta, Ga., 1967
She's so proud of us.
Me: Ugh, [the middle] was taller than me today.
The middle: You got that right. Even though these shoes are now ruined.
Me: I hate when I'm shorter than everyone else.
Mom: You should have worn heels.
Me: Well, yeah, but I wore these boots because I didn't want to sink in the grass and ruin my heels like she did.
Mom: What... it's just like homecoming court... on the grass...
Me: Yeah, I wouldn't know anything about that.
The middle: Seriously? Thanks, mom.
Mom: Well, I'm sorry that your sister [the baby] majored in popular while you two were busy making grade.
Glee auditions! →
Don’t worry, I won’t forget the little people when I make it big.
PSYCH! See ya, suckas!
Sincerely,
Sally B.
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Anonymous asked: The Georgia Bar Exam sucks. Your thoughts?
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WatchI know this guy.
I’m 87.3 percent certain this is the slam-my-head-into-street-signs-probably-from-the-bad-crack guy from near the corner of 10th and Juniper. Whether or not it’s him, I almost rear-ended a minivan over the holidays watching this fella dance around in the middle of the Midtown sidewalk. I had forgotten how entertaining (read: mind blowingly accurate an example of what...
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My favorite New Yorker has entered the... →
You’ll love her. But probably not as much as I do.
Sincerely,
Sally B.
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“In These Arms” - The Swell Season
...
Who's the Boss
Boss: [last name]
Me: What?
Boss: [last name], why don't you run on down to [the big boss's] office and grab me a mint off his desk.
Me: Are you serious?
Boss: What... why?
Me: HELL NO! I'm not going to get caught pulling that move for you. No way. I've got a reputation to uphold.
Boss: Well ... [sulks/ pouts/ hangs head] ... thanks. a. lot.
First Week Back: The Obviouslys of My Workplace
I won’t even pretend I’m doing something other than spending 2 hours deleting hundreds of month-old unread emails from Daily Candy, Word of the Day and Shop It to Me on the first day back. Obviously, I use my time effectively.
I’m totally patting myself on the back for being the only one not sick and hacking on everyone at the office this week. Obviously, my immune system got a...
That new thing... ya know, with the questions...... →
When I don’t understand something, I use my best Bill Cosby voice. Instead of sounding like an idiot.
Sincerely,
Sally B.
Pink Elephants on Tuesday (#3)
Number 3 of the 5 of us got engaged this week. Me and Nat. We’re all that remains.
Back when #1 sealed the deal, we were prepared. So we developed a code name, Pink Elephants on Tuesday, so she could initiate the phone tree and send us a text when “it happened.” For #2, we feel like old pros. Hell, we’re 26 now. We could do to this shit blindfolded on stilts, amIright?
So...
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“Weezer, you sound almost chipper. What happened today… you run over a...”
– Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias
It’s Wednesday. I’m glad.
Sincerely,
Sally B.
Serves me right for asking.
Me: What's going on up here?
The middle: Nothing. Well, apparently I made The Baby feel guilty by telling her that Nanny said she misses her and is sorry she couldn't make it to visit.
Me: Oh... huh. Well, I'm sure she said the same about me. I don't feel guilty. I just couldn't be there because of the party.
The middle: Actually, she wants you to know that she doesn't miss you, you're a bitch and she never wants to see you again.
Twenty. Ten.
I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions. But I do believe in making each year better than the last. So that by the time I’m 40, being 26 will seem like a long-forgotten but embarrassingly awesome fashion faux pas kept hidden behind the gaggle of bridesmaids dresses in my front closet. Like overalls. Unitards. Doc Martens.
Reflection
As a broad, overarching goal, 2009 was...