Sincerely, Sally B.: Archive

John Mayer Thinks With His Pick →

Of course he does… Hey, I try to avoid abrasive as much as the next girl, but I still keep Comet underneath the kitchen sink. Sincerely, Sally B.

Nov 30th

Nothing Short of Thankful, 2009 Edition

I have a lot to be thankful for. It’s true, and I know it. The Usual Suspects Truly amazing, supportive and somehow still highly tolerant friends and family. You know who you are. I don’t know how you put up with me. Honestly, I would have kicked me in the neck by now. HARD. Blackberry love. You are my lifeline. Never leave me. The Obvious ABS brakes Starbucks DVR Martini &...

Nov 26th

“How … dark… are we talking? Please don’t come back here...”

– Mom Clearly, someone questions my level of taste. By now, she should know better than to question me. It’s like we’ve never met. I’m taking this mop back to hard core brunette for realz. Like: dark chocolate, espresso or Pantone 11-7-2 C. I defy you to say that blondes...

Nov 24th

Watch

I just want you to get ready because this blog is about to explode with friggin festive holiday cheer. Bitches. Every year, my roommate and I spend an ENTIRE day decorating the house, picking out and putting up the tree, watching our collection of Christmas movies, LOUDLY singing carols and generally beginning our holiday season. Because it’s completely normal for two heterosexual grown...

Nov 22nd

Nov 20th

Nov 19th

“You know what’s sad? When you buy underwear and think ‘These are...”

– The roommate Somebody thinks their tiny ass is a big deal. Vomit. But, love. Sincerely, Sally B.

Nov 19th

I'm one hell of a good influence.

Me: "I heard you went on a date with Aaron Eckhart recently? I just have one question... was there penetration?" Bahahaha!!! 
The baby: WHAT in the hell are you talking about?! 
Me: Are you not watching Chelsea Lately?! 
The baby: No, I've been running around all day and am just now going home.
Me: Oh, never mind... it was hysterical. She's interviewing Molly Sims and asking her the MOST inappropriate questions about her dating or not dating Aaron Eckhart and him being Mormon.
The baby: I loooovvvve her. It's on my bucket list to go see her...
Me: Wait, why do you have a bucket list?! You're 21!
The baby: Yeah, but you never know what could happen! 
Me: Oh. Right.

Nov 18th

“Heartbreak Warfare” from John...

Nov 17th

Nov 16th

Sick joke

Nurse: Well, it looks like you've got a few responses here.
Me: So, does that mean he [meaning the doc] will give me something to take?
Nurse: We have a lot of patients who decide to take allergy shots for convenience.
Me: I'm not afraid of needles. My baby sister passes out at the sight of them. Not me. Great veins. Check that out. [Showing her my arm.]
Nurse: We can set them up for you, if you'd like to commit to taking them once a week for 3-5 years. That's about how long it takes to get used to the bits of the allergens we place in the shot.
Me: 3-5 YEARS?!?! You said convenient! [It was about here that I went into panic attack mode.] I'm not one of those people with a 5 year plan for anything. I mean, I should probably sit down and write out some long term goals for myself, you know? I'd love to see Italy. I've always hoped I could get in with a publishing house. Be a book editor. I'd probably have to move to Chicago or New York, but I can take it. I like winter. Maybe date a food critic... cause they know the best restaurants.
Nurse: Well, some of the molds you're allergic to can be found in food and beverages... beer, wine, a lot of cheeses, condiments...
Me: Beer?!?! Wine?!?! CHEESE?!?! This is a sick joke... I might die. At the very least I might cry.
Nurse: [awkward chuckles] The good news is that these allergies won't kill you.
Me: That's what you think... You're a pretty good listener, actually.
Nurse: Thanks. Let me get you some information on our mold headache diet....

Nov 16th

Bonnie Raitt/ John Prine - Angel from Montgomery...

Nov 15th

“Où est mon livre?”

– Boss Great. It’s come to this. He’s asking for the book in foreign languages. Done. And. Done.

Nov 13th

Nov 12th

Nov 11th

“Oh my god. Ok, you’re 26. You cannot just shriek like that because The...”

– The Baby That’s what she thinks. Sincerely, Sally B.

Nov 11th

A. A. Bondy “American Hearts” I think...

Nov 10th

Home Alone 26.5

I like to think I’m a social being. I love people. Love being around them. Those who are exactly like me and those entirely unlike me. Love learning bits and pieces about how they live their lives. Love laughing at them and, equally, having them laugh at me. [Because there is nothing more enjoyable in my mind than when true life experience leaves a footprint of fond memories that provoke...

Nov 9th

Honest to god, I'm going to kick him in the teeth.

Boss: Where's my book?
Me: [dramatic eye roll, grab Post-it from dispenser, make hash marks on Post-it] I'm making a note of every time you ask me that.
Boss: Can I just say something? ... that paper isn't big enough. 
Me: Keep it up, trickster... keep it up.

Nov 9th

Nov 6th

Oh, yeah, this is why I wanted to be a journalist... →

Nov 6th

A little thing called professionalism

Boss: [texting from his office, 12 feet down the hall] Where's my book?! [the fall magazine, which went to press MONDAY]
Me: Are you honestly 1. Asking me that 2. Texting me from your office? 
Boss: [who has moved to lingering in my doorway] Are you suggesting I have [makes air quotes] "a problem?"
Me: I will not dignify that with a response. 
Boss: [now whispering at me in my personal space] I want my book.
Me: [also whispering] I might actually hit you today. 
Boss: Duly noted.

Nov 4th

Watch

Magical. Just magical. Sincerely, Sally B.

Nov 4th

Nov 3rd

Dakota Fanning is homecoming princess/ cheerleader... →

Nov 3rd

I don't know this Russian, but I'd like to. →

Nov 2nd