February 2012
14 posts
6 tags
“I had a little hack before I started smoking. But the smoke is like exercise, it...”
– boss His logic. Oh, his logic. Sincerely,  Sally B. 
Feb 13th
3 tags
Feb 13th
215 notes
9 tags
Feb 12th
10 notes
8 tags
Feb 10th
9 notes
6 tags
This means war
coworker: There has been a guy crouched down outside my window holding 2 nurf guns for the past 5 minutes.
me: OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. They were all over the concourse the other day. Apparently this is the new thing, campus nerf wars... I hate that I know that.
Feb 10th
6 tags
Breaking up with Blackberry
boss: I got my iPhone today...
me: No. Absolutely not.
boss: What?
me: I will not help you set it up, learn to use it or find your contacts.
boss: You're relentless.
Feb 8th
7 tags
This is a lot of rules... I will stick to number 3... →
P.S. Word of the Day: “diabesity” Sincerely,  Sally B. 
Feb 8th
1 note
7 tags
The Red President
boss: Name a communist country... North Korea.
me: Cuba... and China
boss: China isn't a communist country anymore.
me: Sure it is... Ok, fine.
boss: You can be a bastard without being a communist. Just look at Obama.
me: You went there.
Feb 7th
4 tags
Feb 6th
11 tags
“Oh, and can we talk about the fact that Liam Neeson was THROWN CLEAR OUT OF THE...”
– she’s not going to let this one go Sincerely,  Sally B. 
Feb 6th
1 note
6 tags
Feb 6th
5 tags
Feb 3rd
17 notes
10 tags
My friends are better than your friends
Why?  Because when I emailed this story around this morning, here’s what I got back: “Um, this is what I use. So, how good are you at building diaper cakes? “Worst. mistake. ever.” “Whoopsies.” “Well thank god I use the time honored pull out method! Oh just kidding - we all know I’m celibate.”  Real grownups care about news about a...
Feb 1st
10 tags
“Sorry I missed your call. I drank some Riesling and passed out on the sofa. Damn...”
–  my lawyer is good at text messages Also, she has strong opinions on American film and Bama fans. Sincerely,  Sally B. 
Feb 1st
1 note
January 2012
28 posts
1 tag
Liberty and the pursuit
[flowers on his desk]
me: These are nice. Where did they come from? Someone must like you. Maybe not. Wait, are these a bribe? Did someone die? What is this!
boss: ...I'm not at liberty to say.
Jan 31st
6 tags
Jan 31st
8 notes
WatchWatch
Good Old War, “Calling Me Names” Confession: I’m a name caller. Sincerely, Sally B.
Jan 31st
5 tags
Jan 31st
1 note
7 tags
Rant of the Day, Continued: And don't call me... →
Shirley Maclaine to join cast of Downton Abbey Just when you think things can’t get any worse… Eighty-seven percent of why I am obsessed with Steel Magnolias is because of Shirley Maclaine. I’m going to start kicking puppies if I don’t watch this soon. And Shirley will not be pleased about that. P.S. The other 13 percent is Olympia Dukakis. Sincerely, Sally B.
Jan 30th
6 tags
Rant of the Day
SON OF A BITCH. Work is getting in the way of my hobbies, and I won’t have it. Every damn person on this planet is watching Downton Abbey EXCEPT ME. I’m the asshole who secretly watches AB FAB reruns and shit like this and this, so I’m not OK being on the outs of this year’s breakout British series. To make up for it, I’ve been walking around here for weeks just...
Jan 30th
4 tags
Jan 29th
11 notes
4 tags
I used to tell people that my name was Sally J.... →
I’m not sorry. Sincerely, Sally B.
Jan 26th
6 tags
SEE, SUGAR IS IMPORTANT! →
I told you so. Sincerely, Sally B.
Jan 25th
6 tags
Jan 25th
1 tag
We've got a name for you, too.
boss: I had lunch with [redacted].
me: You mean your little bitch?
boss: Yep.
Jan 24th
6 tags
Sans sucre
Borch: What do you do while the rest of us drink and eat junk food?
Me: I have sugar-coated wet dreams about cupcakes and champagne.
Jan 24th
10 tags
Jan 23rd
126 notes
6 tags
Jan 20th
8 notes
3 tags
Jan 20th
10 tags
The Year of Ridiculous - Get Your Ass Moving
Looks like I’m back to gym ratting it again…  Fuck balls. Sincerely, Sally B.  
Jan 19th
5 tags
Jan 18th
4 notes
1 tag
Jan 18th
507 notes
8 tags
Kickstarter - Ron Pope World Tour: Help bring my... →
He’s just the best there is.  Sincerely,  Sally B. 
Jan 17th
6 tags
I think... I think I just got turned on by North... →
Color me… snow-covered.  Sincerely,  Sally B. 
Jan 13th
4 tags
Jan 13th
11 tags
Jan 13th
5 notes
10 tags
The Year of Ridiculous - Consumption
Dear readers,  My name is Sally, and I am a sugar addict. I know what you’re thinking: Is that code for cocaine?  Decidedly not.  I’m talking about good ole fashioned sucrose - white shit in your drinks, cereal and snacks. It’s from, like, corn and molecules in a sugar cane or something. It tastes like sex and endorphins.  *So this year, I’m getting off it.  In 2012, I...
Jan 13th
4 tags
“I wish it could just be simple, like a retro pop song, ‘I want you to want...”
– that stupid movie with that guy from Desperate Housewives But, no. It never is. Sincerely, Sally B.
Jan 10th
3 notes
9 tags
Jan 10th
1 note
11 tags
The Year of Ridiculous, an Introduction
I want 2012 to be about change. Because I want to backslide like a muther fucker in 2013.  What am I talking about? I’m not even sure…  Basically, I’ve decided that I’m making 2012 about me, so I’m going to do a bunch of awesome shit this year. It’s not a bucket list, because I’m going to live forever. It’s not a New Year’s resolution,...
Jan 7th
53 notes
5 tags
“Those parking passes we order went from $1 to $5… those fucking communist...”
– the boss He can smell bullshit from a thousand paces.  Sincerely,  Sally B. 
Jan 6th
41 notes
6 tags
Black on black
me: I'm drinking my coffee black now.
boss: So it matches your soul?
me: I hate you.
Jan 5th
74 notes
December 2011
9 posts
9 tags
“What should I put as a title for this thing… ‘just get ready for...”
– the middle If I knew that getting her hired after grad school could be this entertaining, I’d have started helping with her cover letter and resume months ago. As the baby says, you can always just say “Get ready… I’m coming for ya!” Sincerely, Sally B.
Dec 22nd
12 notes
9 tags
It's amazing
theotherjen: how someone can be a “vice president of communications” and not know how to write a coherent sentence. And to this I simply offer… Amen.  Sincerely,  Sally B. 
Dec 9th
Anonymous asked: I have nothing to ask. But I came across your blog and find it adorable. I too went to Auburn (graduated in 2004) and live in Atlanta. I love your writing style. So fun and a good read at work. And work has yet to figure out that sometimes your blog is inappropriate for work. HA Keep writing. You are a really good write and story teller.

Courtney Cochran
Dec 9th
12 tags
“He can do whatever he wants. I’m packing on Sunday… but when he...”
– overheard at the office It’s the most wonderful time of the year here on Mars. Sincerely, Sally B.
Dec 9th
48 notes
13 tags
Giving up the (protective) gun ...sort of
I am not the sort of woman who goes around rescuing people. I am a miserable hero. Just last month, some kid on a bike flipped himself over the hood of my car. I kept on driving, only after peering out my window to be sure there wasn’t any blood on my windshield.  It wasn’t always this way: I used to be the conquering hero of my family. When my sisters were little, I would fearlessly...
Dec 9th
3 notes
3 tags
My So-Called Life: Where are they now →
REACTION:  And then I promptly loose my shit and aggressively email this link to all those who mocked me for recording every episode on Sundance Channel this summer.  I won’t even hear it - you know you love it.  Sincerely,  Sally B. 
Dec 7th
3 notes
8 tags
Happy 30th Birthday to Britney Spears →
Today on “Not That Innocent” … Fridays are for hating how much I love celebri-culture. Sincerely,  Sally B. 
Dec 3rd
7 tags
Dec 1st
38 notes